Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Like Mother, Like Baby

My son (sounds weird to say that since I just recently acquired one) is not a happy little man. I just don't remember Emma being so grumpy at life, but Jonathan assures me she was the same way. That encouraged me since I had obviously blocked out the memory, therefore I would probably do the same when my son, Jackson, gets older. But until then, it is constantly in my mind that the kid just does not love life (as my husband would say) in his new surroundings. He sleeps great at night, praise the Lord, but when he's awake or not eating during the day, he is screaming. His vocals actually sound more like a dog squeezing a little rubber chew toy, but either way, it is a very loud, squeaky sound.

And when he's hungry, the whole world knows it because the little rubber chew toy suddenly comes alive and ferociously becomes louder and just meaner. Yep, I have a mean little three week old who does not like life. It's funny though, (sometimes you just have to laugh you know) but I'll get his bottle ready and get it in his mouth, expecting instant bliss from my little squeaker, but the anger does not end. No, he is still angry even though he's got that bottle in his mouth and that nasty formula is dripping down his throat. It's not until a few seconds later (which seem like an eternity for dear ol' mom) that he gets the idea that he got what he wanted and he should stop squabling.

Do you see it yet? It dawned on me today when I experienced some hope in my life about our housing situation. I was instantly perked up at some possibilities (that did not involve living in a car or a cardboard box, which I was secretly entertaining the thoughts of in my head). However, if I were to freeze that moment and hit the rewind button, I would have hung my head a little as I watched myself moap and doubt, cry and complain.

There I would be, like my little Jackson, screaming and squeaking because I didn't have what I wanted when I wanted it. Then God gives you a little - or sometimes a whole mouthful - and me, not recognizing God's Hand, continues flailing and kicking. I think I find myself looking for the bleak first sometimes, rather than the positive because it's hard to bask in my selfishness and sorrow if I'm trying to be opptimistic. Finally, I get enough of a taste, like a little today, where it hits me that hey! The Lord is working and is going to do something! Oh my goodness, there is hope! Like it wasn't there before.

How the Lord must see me...no doubt, as an impatient, squeaky baby. Poor Jackson, he doesn't understand that I'm planning on taking care of the little guy until he gets old enough to do it himself, and I am planning on meeting his needs as best I can. Poor Sarah, how often she doubts the Lord, Who has never let her down.

Want to hear the WORST part? I can tell you these things I learn and truly believe them, but you just drop in sometime tomorrow, Lord willing, and I cannot promise you that I will be as opptimistic or as hopeful then. Please don't judge my lack of faith and my abundance of carnality...it takes over far too often and I take steps back that I know good and well I shouldn't take, but in order to nurse and comfort my impatience, it simply feels better to go back to my little security blanket of complaining and griping. Hopefully one day I can wean myself of that tattered blanket. So glad the Lord loves me...as also Jackson should be glad we love him with all that crying he does! =)

"And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." II Corinthians 12:9 (KJV)

No comments:

Post a Comment