Thursday, September 8, 2011

Strange Relations

I'm ashamed I haven't written lately. To be honest, I haven't written because I've not been practicing the lessons I learned in the first blog entry that I wrote. I'm afraid I've lost a lot of hope in some situations going on, and there is nothing worse sometimes than someone who says one thing and does another. =) I am reminded that I'm human and I will not perfect the lessons I learn, and I will probably even repeat stupid mistakes and re-learn the consequences and morals of those lessons again and again.

Even knowing that, however, does not make me feel any better about spouting off about hope and waiting...and then sitting in despair and hopelessness. The very worst part is KNOWING what I felt and learned in my first entry is the truth! Sometimes it's more comfortable for my attitude to sit in hypothetical sweat pants and eating a hypothetical gallon of Moosetrack ice cream.

Ever wonder what God truly has in store for you? Of course you do...we all do. Ever wonder what it will be like, Lord willing, to look back a year from now and see how different (for the good hopefully!) your life has become? Ever wonder if this years problems will be gone by that next year, but wonder what new problems will take their place? One would think with having two small children that there would be no time to wonder all these things, but I do. I wonder all the time about so many things. Sometimes I feel like the Lord is saying to me, "Get your eyes off of these 'what if's' and concentrate on what you're doing now...your family, ministry, etc." Other times it honestly brings me hope to think about bright spots of the future.

Now we will stop ABRUPTLY here and state that life is not so terrible now. I am thankful for so many things. I'm thankful for salvation, health, two adorable children who bring me constant joy, (though sometimes mingled with an exasperated sigh), a truly wonderful and amazing husband (again, sometimes with the exasperated sigh), many great parents, pretty things, and much more. So I don't want anyone to think life is so tragic right now. It just hasn't begun for us yet...living in limbo waiting for a house of our own to restart our family that is most definitely on hold. That's the main thing.

So bare with me and understand that this blog was not meant for a pity party or for despairing remarks on the low spots of Sarah Bradford's life. On the contrary, I hope my up's will help lift you and my down's help lift you even higher. However, as a disclaimer, I cannot write on here in sunshine and rainbows all the time, posing life to be one glorious chain of daisies. Then it wouldn't be life. =) 

Okay, I'm quickly loosing a point to this entry...moving on!

When I was a teenager, my imagination would always wander, turning some odd things into life lessons. I remember completely grossing a lot of people out with my "epiphany" of how pimples and friends can be related. I thought it was great! Friends are like pimples...sometimes too much oil - or issues - gets built up under the surface and goes unnoticed for awhile. Then they start to fester and make your friendship sore. We pick at them and only make things worse until finally one day it all comes to a head and we just have to have it out with that friend until it pops! It may hurt, but it heals, even if it leaves a little scarring. See? Wonderful analogy! Others just didn't enjoy it the same though...can't imagine now why!

Lately, I've noticed a lot of other things also...a lot of things from watching my children.

Emma is currently undergoing the education of going to the potty in a potty. She's made excellent head-way - or shall we say, bottom-way - but we have a long way to go. Lately she has decided it's not so exciting to go sit on her potty anymore. Yes, the novelty of sitting on a tiny plastic toilet that has its own toilet paper roll on the side has suddenly lost the glitz and glamor it once had, and she is regressing a little. If she would only learn how to do this seemingly easy thing (to us), what freedom she would have! Doggone it, what freedom I would have! But not knowing what that freedom feels like offers no incentive for her to graduate from this new education program. Same for me, in not as yucky of a sense. If I would only learn some of these lessons that I struggle with so much, or to even go a step farther, to lose some weight I've been trying to lose, then what freedom I would have! What bliss! And not that the Lord needs us to learn a lesson to give Him freedom, but how happy it would make Him to see me be liberated from the bondage that tied me to keep me from getting over that hump to success.

When the gas light comes on, I am reminded that if I don't fill it up soon, bad repercussions will soon follow about 30 miles down the road. Same for when I am running on empty spiritually or emotionally...if that tank isn't filled soon, there's a rough road coming ahead. Both with the car and myself, I am the one who makes the call how far to go before filling up, and that decision could cost me if I get lazy and decide to wait too long. It will take me much, much longer to get to where I was headed and it may cost a lot extra before getting there. How much better to be proactive and fill up ahead of time and just keep that tank filled?

The dumbest one I ever thought of - in my opinion, much worse than the pimple one - was when I was a teenager and I was eating generic Rice Krispy's. There was a burnt little fake rice krispy floating in my bowl of milk and I disdainfully pushed it to the side of the bowl vowing not to eat the nasty thing. Then I thought, how often do I treat people that way? They aren't so great to look at or be around, so I just push them off to the side and only take time with the more appealing people. I remember even eating the burnt flake, symbolically digesting my new life lesson. Yes, that one was really dramatic and really stretching things.

The list goes on. Some are pretty cheesy, some are kind of lame, but in weird ways, some of these strange little analogies remind me of things I know the Lord wants me to get. If I ever have any more as good as the pimple one, I'll be sure to post it. Haha.

In the meantime, I'm still here, still writing, a little down, but still knowing that God has great plans.

1 comment:

  1. Sarah, I was feeling pretty down today about different things and felt like checking your blog for some reason. I really like your new post because I can relate to it so much right now. I admire how you look at your struggles, then think of the good that can come out of it. Thanks for posting, it will help get me through this challenging day!

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