Sunday, December 18, 2011

A Present of Perspective for Christmas

Last Christmas I thought to myself how settled we surely would be by next Christmas. Now here it is Christmastime again and...we are still where we were last Christmas, making very little progress, and yet again saying, surely we will be settled into our "new" life by next Christmas. One just never knows how things will go or what will become of these situations so near and dear to our hearts.

Now, in my last blog, I told you about the amazing peace I found when we lost the house we wanted so badly. Don't get me wrong, the peace was/is real, but just because God gives you peace in a storm does not mean that the waves won't still toss you around and still make you sea sick. Apparently I am not done learning lessons from this whole epic move and house search extravaganza, which is fine I guess because I have nothing else to do as I wait for the sky to clear. My newest revelation hit me almost as hard as my first one I wrote on here. I'll have to give you a little background leading up to the grand unveiling.  

This past weekend, we had the opportunity to go to Sight and Sound Theater. It's a really amazing theater where they perform biblical-based plays using real animals, plants, huge sets, and lots of talented performers. We went to see the Miracle of Christmas. I thought to myself, "Another manger-cattle-lowing rendition of the birth of Jesus..." nothing wrong with that, but so usual for Christmas, I thought. So after my daughter threw up pasta salad all over our car and her newly washed coat and clothes, we dropped our angels off at Jonathan's sister's house and went to Sight and Sound. It was a beautifully done play and though probably 80% of it was extra stuff not found in the Bible, it did give you a fresh perspective of the birth of Christ. We get so "used" to the Christmas story that we forget to really think about it. Some points that stuck out to me:

  • The day and age was tough. The Jewish people had nothing but a hope that someday they would be delivered, but they had to rely solely on what their fathers had told them that the prophets had prophesied. 
  • I always got the part that Mary was surprised and alarmed at being pregnant when she was a virgin, but I never really thought of the reviling she must have gotten when people around her knew she was pregnant but that it was probably a known fact that the baby was not from her betrothed, which still wouldn't have looked so great since she wasn't really married to him yet either. How hard would it be to be a loyal, dedicated Jewish girl, who was accused of being a harlot? 
  • Here is the main one: Sure, I had entertained the thoughts in the past of how the conditions where Jesus was born in must have been less than sanitary. However, so many renditions of the Christmas Story had placed pictures of soft, yellow hay and sweet baby calves and horses sitting around a small wooden manger with the Christ-child laying wrapped in clean, white cloth. It struck me much more this time of how horrible it must have been. I'm sure it smelled terribly there. I'm sure the animals were noisy, stomping up dust and dirt and manure. I'm sure it was probably hard finding even clean hay and how scratchy even that would be. The swaddling clothes were probably not clean and the manger was probably very hard and cold. There was no heater, I am certain. Having had two babies, it was hard enough being in a hospital and going through that, but not even being in a comfortable or sanitary place must have been horrible. The worst part was: our Savior was born there. This is leading me to my point, so hang on.
 
Today was Sunday and for the first Sunday in weeks my children allowed me to go to a morning service. I thought it was awfully nice of them to make the sacrifice. So after singing several Christmas hymns, I settled into my pew, wrapped up in my coat. Pastor told us to turn to Philippians 2:1-8. No sooner than he started reading it that I felt like everyone in the room disappeared and Pastor was talking only to me. You've heard the passage before, but unless you've been in my shoes this past year and a half, it might not speak to you in the exact same way.

1If there be therefore any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any bowels and mercies,
 2Fulfil ye my joy, that ye be likeminded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind.
 3Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.
 4Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.
 5Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus:
 6Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God:
 7But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men:
 8And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross.

For the past year and a half, we have not lived by the means that I am used to living in. I grew up much differently and have been used to doing things certain ways. It's not that I once was rich but now I'm poor, it's just that everything I was used to was now on a whole different scale and the way I was used to cooking dinner, doing dishes, housework, etc, was now done or not done in ways I am not accustomed to. It's very hard to explain, just try to grasp what information I can include. This all being the case, I have done my share (and the share of many others) of complaining and whining. This wasn't done like I do it, we cook this differently down south, this is weird, this is dirty, this is not the way I do this, that isn't how I do that, etc, etc, etc. I mean, we are talking about all out hissy-fits and anger. Bad stuff.

Today I stopped and took a look in my mirror and was not pleased at how I had aged this past year and a half. In some ways, I feel like I applied some good anti-aging cream, in other ways I feel like I've gotten a little Botox on some areas that I let get bad, but part of me aged downright badly and it took the Holy Spirit to make me truly aware of it.

When Pastor read the passage, I felt that familiar still, small voice say, "You must think you're really special Sarah, to think that where you live doesn't meet your expectations or suit your ways. You must think you are pretty incredible to put others around you down to lift yourself up because you're not happy where you're at." Then to top the whole conversation off, remembering what had spoken to me at the play two nights before, I heard, "Jesus Christ, the Son of God, the Savior of the World - YOUR Savior - would have felt more like a king living in my situation that I complain so much about, than the way He came and lived in the world during His time on earth." There's a person in my life (not Jonathan, he's too cute to be upset with for long) that I have really struggled with. And for a year and a half, I have 80% of the time put my needs in front of theirs. How I felt has been more important and how I've been wronged has been of more consideration. I have not, with lowliness of mind, esteemed each other better than myself. I have not taken on the form of a servant and humbled myself, as my Lord did when He came to earth in much worse conditions with mean people all around him.

Now I know we can all say that we complain when we should be grateful. This went deeper though. I knew how much I have been complaining, I know the feelings I've felt, and I only give you a glimpse because it's important that if you go or are going through a situation like this, that you know you're not the only person in the world feeling that way. Sometimes we feel like we're the only people in the world that ever do anything wrong or have a mean thought. It's not a good thing to make a practice of, but you're not alone anyway. =) And God does understand when we go through things in an extended length of time how wearing it can be. He knows our frame, He knows we're human, and only dust. I know He loves me and I know He understands, though I know He would much rather me take a different approach to coping with it all.

Life most certainly is a roller-coaster - for everyone really, not just for me. I can truly say I am thankful for times that the Holy Spirit chides me and for the feeling of relief when I give the situations over to God. My shoulders feel lighter this Christmas, even if the burden is still heavy. Please take a moment this Christmas to really sit down and think of how Christ came to earth and how it must have been for his human parents to go through what they did. Think how humbling it truly would be for the King of the Universe to be born in a dirty old stable and later be raised up to die on a dirty old cross surrounded my mean, cruel people...all for you and me. These revelations gave me a present of perspective this Christmas season seeing where I can make some adjustments to make this next year, whether we're still in the same place or not, a better year, esteeming others more and remembering again and again what Christ has done for me.

Merry Christmas! Hope you have a wonderful, wonderful holiday season.



No comments:

Post a Comment