Peaceful Chaos

If there is one thing I know now that I did not know two years ago, is that having children does not make for always a peaceful atmosphere. Having added another one to our zoo recently has made "lack of peace" more concise to just say "chaos". It's not so bad until Jonathan comes back and I worry more about them driving him nuts as they continue their chorus of screaming than anything and before I know, I'm irritable with them and Jonathan is fine! I'm getting used to the extra vocals now with Jackson, but it is definately taking some getting used to. He's just lucky he's so cute and cuddly. =)
Recently my Bible reading was in Romans, chapter 4. It wasted no time in getting to what I needed.  "Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ:" Peace. Ahh the word itself makes me yearn for it. I have peace in salvation and my walk with the Lord. I know that I know that I know He is my Heavenly Father and that He has a place reserved for me in heaven someday. (All God's people said?) I also have a peace that He is ever with me and that if I confess my sins, He hears me when I pray. Glad I've got those nailed down.

It's the peace of knowing that we're where we're supposed to be, the peace knowing there is a home out there for us (before heaven hopefully??) and SOON, the peace knowing Emma will heal of her Arthritis, the peace that she won't have any bad side affects from the medicine she's on, the peace that Jackson will continue in good health, the peace that we can get rid of some old conflicts even if that means we will get some new ones, ETC. ETC. ETC. The list is lengthy. I yearn for peace with those things.

But my reading continued. "By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope: And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us."

I realized in one giant gulp, "We're not promised hope from the beginning!!" In the whole picture, we have hope through Christ ALWAYS, but there is a "To Do List" to go through before we REACH that hope and peace. We go through different tribulations and trials throughout our life. Before this trial I'm living in now, I had other things that would wear me down or make me feel sad. We're always going to have something. But it's THROUGH those things that we go through a series of transformations.

We start out by making the choice of whether or not to choose Jesus Christ to be our Savior and save us from eternal damnation. After that, if we choose Christ, we go down our path of life and we have problems. From that we learn patience as we go through those trials and from that we learn from our mistakes, from what we did right, and from what we've been through in general. It is after gaining patience and experience that we find hope. And I think that once you've been through that long road, you have more love and understanding towards those involved in those problems because of the love of Christ, Who worked in us the whole journey.

Now why does it have to be such a long road though? I don't know. I do wish I had a fast forward button to whisk me and my little family to our future house and life where we start living like a normal family again, but then I think, surely I would miss something a long the way that I wouldn't want to miss. I can say that now but you ask me fifteen minutes from now and I'll probably just start crying again. However, I know the truth. I just have to deny myself the undesireable luxury of basking in self-pity and self-inflicted sadness.

There is hope in Christ. There is hope in this situation I live in. I guess I just have to learn patience and experience first before I reach my finish line.